I am flying out of Cambodia at the moment on a SilkAir A320 not even having asked for it i ended up with the window seat on the exit row. The plan for today was not to go into work but just to relax a little get packed and get out of the country. In the process of getting a lift to the air port we went back to work for a few hours. which was good as i got to get a few last things worked out. Unfortunately Pakk actually works at another company full time, so that he can afford to run his business. Its quite a common practice in startups, I mean i always had another job the entire time we were running the company. This means that any ‘quality time’ that I get to spend with him i relish. The last few hours was spent working out how to determine a price point for the software that was going to lead to a good balance between covering costs and getting a sale.

In the last week you start to try and work out what you have actually achieved and what you haven’t. Unfortunately the objectives of my project this time round are very soft-skills focused. Unlike when I was in New Guinea there was a lot more tangible things do because I was actually putting in cable and servers and actual hard infrastructure. Don’t get me wrong I have really enjoyed my time here, and I think that I have given quite a lot momentum to the guys at work. Even though I know I shouldn’t, and my years of experience in development work tells me this I still want to have win. You know something tangible you can take away something that you’re actually did. However I remain and entrepreneur, its all academic until you make a sale, because that is what puts the bread on the table. And in the 11th hour it did, we actually sold some software.

You see this project was a little tougher than I thought it would be. The bag snatching, several run-ins with the police (traffic cops corruption stuff), the odd character following me home at night, a digestive system that just could not get use to the local food. Then of course Jack passing away in the second last week, really just kicked me in the guts. Deciding not to end the project early was a tough decision with in its self. But with out a solid win at the end I was having a really hard time justifying the idea of staying back. But it came through!!!! I mean it’s not a big sale, its actually only one module of the firms Micro finance suite. The thing that I am really chuffed about is the fact that they did it all themselves.

On a walk through my neighborhood in Phnom Penh, I get a taste of the spectrum of wealth and poverty that’s here in Cambodia. Going by these crazy houses with their 3 story greek-esk columns, I marvel that I’ve never seen this decadence even in Canberra. It’s even more so as in my ‘hood here, for Just around the corner, the homeless vendors can be seen shutting down their makeshift shacks at night to shelter up against the side of these street. The amazing contrast is, these villagers come to Phnom Penh with only their cart full of coconuts. they don’t return home till they sell all of them, and they will sleep in the streets until they do. I bought 2 coconuts or $3, rather than at some foreign owned grocery. This meager money I spent goes a long way with him. For most of my time so far, I’ve been surprisingly impartial in the face of the poverty I’ve seeing here. But something about the direct contact I had with this person jolted me a bit. I’ve vowed to shop from more street vendors during my time here instead of at the conglomerate supermarkets.

The Government came out last week saying that the number of people living on the streets of Phnom Penh dropped sharply in 2009, according to a government report released Tuesday, though NGOs that provide services to the homeless said the figures appeared to be a low estimate. The report, prepared by the Ministry of Social Affairs, Veterans and Youth Rehabilitation, cites a 44-percent decrease in the number of homeless people in the capital – from 4,189 to 2,337

Thats hard to take from a Government that actively makes people homeless. an Example of this is the Boeung Kak Lake saga. Well soon there will be no lake. The area was sold for $79 million a year ago and the lake is being filled in to make way for shops and high-end apartments. During my month-long stay in Phnom Penh I watched a sandbar grow from the south side Boeung Kak into the center of the lake. All day a pipeline pumped sand from the Tonle Sap River on the other side of town and sent water back out the other way. Bulldozers and tractors rumbled around on the new finger of land pushing sand from one spot to another.

The story begins here in Boeung Kak Lake in the heart of the capital, Phnom Penh. Two years ago, a little-known developer signed a 99-year lease with the council for this 133-hectare site. And they’re filling 90% of the lake with sand to build a high-rise. The problem for people living around the edge of the lake is, as the sand goes in the water level rises and their houses go under. These include 4000 families who live around the lake. Since the beginning, there’s been a total lack of transparency about the deal.

Boeung Kak has for years been a hangout for backpackers in Phnom Penh. The area, which is commonly called Lakeside and is located behind the relatively upscale Phnom Penh Hotel, is a collection of skinny alleyways lined by bars, guesthouses, travel agencies and Internet cafes. Many of Lakeside’s longtime residents have been displaced by the development; many made homeless. Those with land titles are supposed to be compensated $8,000 by the government, hardly a fraction of what their buildings and businesses are worth. But no money has been paid out yet. It would not surprise anyone if the government never paid; after all, there is precedent.

Since the plans for the lake were made public a couple of years ago, residents have complained, protests have been held and NGOs have advocated on behalf of the soon to be evicted. But still the pipeline gushes sand and the finger of land continues to grow.
Complicating the issue further, many Boeung Kak lake residents don’t possess legal titles to the land they occupy, but they say the government acknowledged their de facto ownership when it issued a book of family records. Authorities counter that the land was illegally occupied and that the family records were simply published to document the number of families living in the area.

So it’s a crazy mixed up City, Phnom Penh, and with out any formal public transport it’s just a right royal mess. It’s a wonder that anyone gets to where they are going at all. Tuk Tuks (think scooter with trailer that seats 4 or 7 if your really trying) and motos( tuk tuk minus trailer) are the transportation of choice for Khmers and westies alike. These drivers, who have seemingly only one job to do, that is, get you where you want to go have no bloody idea where things are.

If you submit to the howling mob of drivers, they ask your destination, then you tell them, and they nod enthusiastically as if they know it, like its round the corner from where his mum lives. So you sling your bum on the back seat (normally an aftermarket seat bolted to the goods rack) and off you fang in generally in the wrong direction. After being here all of three weeks combined with my scout-fu, even I know enough to know when it’s the wrong direction. When I was first got here and less bald, I would wait a few blocks to see if he has chosen an alternate route, then stop the show to redirect things. Now I just yell at the driver to stop and try to correct him right away pointing the way I want to go.

Okay, I hear you, these fellas have a distinct disadvantage when hauling westies round. One, they don’t speak English as a native language (or at all, really). Two, the drivers probably are not frequenting the places that westies want to visit. You know the Gucci NGO-run cafes and fancy restaurants. Three, it seems that the Khmer people don’t use maps… ever…. That means, even if you are a well-prepared Westie with your handy map of the city, you could point to destinations and street names all day and it would not help your driver at all. They just dot read maps. So I use landmarks, Wots (temples) actually are the best I live near Wot Lanka, and every time I have told a Moto to drop me at Wot Lanka it hasn’t been an issue. So Wots are the way to go if you ask me, I like to call it Wot-Nav… One drawback,… they might think of me a churchy fellow

So how do you get where you are going? If you walk, be prepared to be addressed by every driver on the street. Hello, Sir. Where you go? You want motorbike, tuk tuk? I take you. Sir? Sir? It gets old really quickly, but you can’t blame the guy for wanting to make a dollar(it sure beats crubbing around in the rubbish). Most people smile and say “otay, akun” or “no thanks,” addressing each one individually. And others just completely ignoring them (except that you feel like a tool). My approach as been to look them in the eye and shake my head side to side gentle as if saying no, it works really well.

If you take a moto or a tuk tuk, do your best to watch for street signs and local landmarks (good luck, street signs are well-hidden), and don’t be afraid to shout directions or stop your driver. Luckily, sometimes, drivers will consult other drivers’ mid-journey to ask where a particular destination is. On occasion, this proves fruitful, but other times, the other driver will confidently send you in the wrong direction. By the way, no discount is given for a tuk tuk who lost his way. In fact, the driver may demand extra money for the roundabout journey, a trick cabbies have been using since the dawn of time. Try to explain that it isn’t your fault he did not know how to get there, and he will certainly pretend not to speak English.

Even if you know where you are going, getting there is the really mental part. Talking to the other volunteers, sitting in the carriage of a tuk tuk, bouncy as it is (worst shocks in town) feels relatively safe compared to clinging to the rear handle of a moto who keep from hitting the pavement. The Moto option is a good one for me, its fun. In Phnom Penh traffic, these guys rarely get up above 40kmh. that’s a good thing with 90cc moto-scooter encumbered with a 100kg 6’4” Aussie acting as a wind scoop I would not expect more. However when in Cambodia, and do as the Cambodians do (you have the same life expectancy as a Khmer). The only think that I don’t like being on the back of the moto is the lack of autonomy.

So I settled on a bicycle, $30 from the local market and you get a re-sprayed old clunker straight from the scrap heap in china. I pimped my ride with an extra long seat pole and long handlebars, fully sick! I generally keep up with most of the motos, and often have the odd giggle from moto riders and I look like a dill warring my motorcycle helmet. But damn do I have a lot of fun. And I’m Dutch, I mean that in two ways; one, it’s in my blood to ride a bike, 2; it saves me a fortune on transport costs.

… yet not a drop to drink….
It is astonishing that in a city as small like Phnom Penh, there are at least 100+ different types of bottled water to choose from! making them more prevalent than black (4WD) lexus-es (or is that Lexi…) I mean there is few things better in life than independent choice! right? This is the basis of our capitalistic society …mmm… Looking at which water companies have the best quality. Only one third have actually any water quality certification (and most of these seem to be bogus). You can seriously buy a different kind every day!

Manufacturing bottled water in Cambodia is pretty much the one of the best business around, (other than mobile phones and Micro finance … and Lexus Dealerships… )There is hardly any regulation, regarding water quality and none that’s enforced. So the consumer just has to make sure that the water looks clear, then get some bottles made just like everyone else, and make up a company name, a pithy slogan, fake some purification standards on the label and you’re away! also you can just switch Company names often, maybe even for every production sequence. or just borrow someone else’s

Well its rife! due to years of civil war and corruption within the government. Forced evictions also have had an impact on the numbers of families living on the streets, and you see them everywhere. Most Westies (travelers, Volunteers and other Expats) give a few coins to beggars, or shout a street urchin a free meal. I always seem to be an arsh@le to most of these people because I don’t do this(I’ve had the odd filthy look as I tell a cute kid begging in a cafe to rack off). I prefer to try to be helpful to locals, to pay a little above the odds for services and products, but still within the reasonable price range (probably inflating prices ).

I had a long conversation with a well meaning tourist after getting a filthy look from her. I explained that giving money is kind and helpful, but some say that the best way to help ease poverty in Cambodia and to develop a deep sense of satisfaction as well as getting to experience more of the “real” Cambodia may be through volunteering or donations to reputable charities operating in Cambodia either before, during or after her time here. (trying not to sound self righteous about the whole volunteering thing)

in saying that the whole business of helping the Cambodians is starting to grate on me. Since there are so many NGOs and charity organizations here, some people say that these good intentioned people are not actually helping the people in the long run. To be so dependant on foreign aid may have a negative effect on the people’s own sense of empowerment and in turn passively waiting for help and handouts. I am still trying to measure the effect of this one.

So in the mean time, where ever I go I try to make sure that the place is locally run and the money I spend is going to the people who need it most desperately and not wealthy foreign entities. Unfortunately between all the Chinese Koreans and other western expats its pretty hard to do this in Phnom Penh. but I’ll keep on trying.

They say that first impressions are lasting impressions, and I think they are probably right. Whoever “they” might happen to be. My first impression of Cambodia is that it is beautiful country. Its people are delightful and warm. Its mosquitoes are also friendly, but there are methods of negotiating with them to stay away. Its weather is hot, humid, and usually sunny; it is currently the dry season although the rainy season will be welcomed within a few weeks. Its traffic is crazy, but riding a motorbike can be fun.

When I walked out the doors of the airport I expect the normal rush of people trying to sell me crap and offer me rides. Something seems fishy. No one is trying to sell me anything. anyway Pakk from Perfexcom was there to pick me up. The few people I’ve met so far speak English than i expected, Pretty much everyone under 20 can speak English quite well I’m told.

The ATM machines dispense US Dollars. Everything is priced in US Dollars. Transportation seems expensive, but rooms are pretty cheap. The local currency (Cambodian Riel – KHR) is one of those incredibly inflated things where you have to have a stack of money. $1 = 4,100KHR.

About the food, very delicious and tasty. I had such a good meal after a whole tiring day. Cambodia, as I know and love the trip so far. First impression: I like Cambodia.

seeing the level of sophistication the farming that the highlanders

Goroka, Eastern Highlands Provence, Papua New Guinea

One of my favourite day trip so far has been a trip to a local farm. We have the opportunity today to go up to a colleague’s farm in Maniufa. Maniufa is a small village about thirty kilometres from Goroka, it has roughly a population of four hundred people. John is the accounts cloak at the CIC research station at Aiyura. He basically commutes two hours each way from home to work. Most of the farms here in the highlands are multi crop small holdings and John had roughly two hectares of land. He also had about twelve people working for him. I would assume most of them would be Wantok, as their only three clans within the village so it is not hard to make that assumption. About two thirds of John’s property was devoted to coffee plantation. The other third of the property was divided into a rather large cropping/market garden, and residencies. With an eight pond to fish farm as well. It was quite an interesting experiences we spent a good two hours walking around as John explained to us each and every plant in what he is hope or reasoning was behind the use of that particular plant.

keeping up with the Joneses
It’s interesting to see the level of sophistication the farming that the highlanders have. I’m not really quite sure if it’s something that a lot of them study at university are at high school, it doesn’t really seem that way when you talk to them is not a lot of them have a very high level of formal education. I would assume that it is a combination of oral history and tradition as well as new influences coming in from people who have studied and the good old “keeping up with the Joneses” form of competitive inspiration. It is quite different to the commercial farming that you see back in Australia. However it has a lot similar to the small organic farms that I’ve worked on in Australia, Costa Rica and France. Poly-culture seems to be a more natural way of working a farm especially if you have low overheads like cheap human labour. A major force in the increase of monoculture in western agriculture has been the development of machinery for tilling, planting, pest control and harvesting, which is cheaper than human labour, and is considered more efficient at larger scales. However in a smaller scale intensive human activity provides a high-quality product.

They are quite versed in the knowledge of standard good agricultural practices such as Crop rotation (the practice of growing two, or more dissimilar type of crops in the same space in sequence) and multiple cropping (the practice of growing two or more crops simultaneously in the same space during a single Growing season). It would also seem that fade to a form of intercropping. The idea of intercropping is to produce a greater yield on a given piece of land. This is done by making use of space that would otherwise be wasted with a single crop. It is important not have crops competing with each other for space, nutrients, water or sunlight. It would seem that they use a simple the multi-tier system where Coconut occupies the upper tier, Banana the middle tier, and food crops like Kaokao, Tarro, African yams and pumpkin plants occupy the lower tier.

They were really switched on about the methods which they employed in the farm. For example, in the coffee production quite a lot of the cherry pulp is left over when they extract the seed component, in Costa Rica this is generally just a waste product that isn’t really used. On John’s farm they basically extracted the pulp and started to compost at mixing it into their market garden improving the quality of the soil. A fantastic idea when you think about two thirds of the biomass coming off his farm would be that of the coffee cherries. I will have to admit that I was in my element because I was able to share some of the experiences that I had had working on organic farms around the world and coming up with some novel ideas to solve some of their problems. We have been invited back to do a traditional MuuMuu in a few weeks time which should be a lot of fun.

Sustainability
If you didn’t realize I am really into Sustainability, because it is a systemic concept. It is just a far more elegant and sophisticated way of solving issues. Non sustainable practices I consider to be a form of laziness or simplicity that is only popularised because it can be controlled. You also have to understand that most of my education has been around systematic and systemic concepts. As most computer programmers, I tend to break down all processes and tasks I encounter, into complex systems, it is really just an applied extrapolation of lateral thinking which is one of my favourite things to do. Many people somehow link my fascination with sustainability with some form of environmentalism. I think this is only because the most popularised form of macro-systemic-engineering(if there is such a word) is used by the environmental movement. They have plenty of great ideas, For example, the Five Capitals Model of Sustainable development; however my passion is really Micro-systemic-engineering. It’s an easier concept to get across to people and you can generally make a larger impact on the well-being of people with a small amount of effort. Of course I hope once you get people into the idea of holistic thinking in a Micro-systemic-engineering application.

What does this have to do with Computers?
In if you take an information technology slant a monoculture would be one computer system which is nearly universally used. Like a natural ecosystem, monocultures are susceptible to disease and insects, because of the large amount of chemical inputs often required to sustain them. In an information technology ecosystem monocultures are susceptible to computer security issues and Computer viruses. Similarly there is an incredible amount synthetic human efforts and inputs often required to sustain them. It is often argued that Microsoft is a monoculture, since a striking majority of the overall number of computers connected to the Internet are workstations and servers running versions of the Microsoft Windows Operating system, many of which are vulnerable to same attacks. This is in contrast to the early 90’s when there was a much more even distribution of operating systems and hardware/processor types such as apple and UNIX, and it was concomitantly much more difficult to create a broad attack.

somedays your just best off staying in bed!

Goroka, Eastern Highlands Provence, Papua New Guinea – December 2006

Just when you think that you have settled into the grove here, something just takes your eye and you know that you are in PNG. Like a yellow Hyundai Sedan (or once was a sedan and now is just the mere carcass of one) travelling backwards, however in the right direction as the other traffic, down the main street with at 50km/h making a hell of a racket 3 adults 4 kids and 2 dogs in it. None of the windows intact and the driver, who is sitting on what looks to be a tree stump where there was once a seat, being assisted to control the vehicle by one of the children and a mechanical lever device fashioned from a stick. I mean nothing to be concerned about, the kids are having a good time; the dogs are having a fantastic time and the adults and getting to where they need to be.

It is kind of like that someone gave these guys a heap of gear, and never gave them the instruction manual. Ok not that I have ever use instruction manuals ether, nor do any of my male friends but its there if you have to use it. So the Niuginians just get on with it and use what they have to get the job done. Or if something breaks then they fix it any way they can.

Take the old 12 seater minibus (over here in PNG they are used as the main type of public transport), predominantly they have sliding doors right? Well not here! Ok so they start off with sliding doors but when they break, the Niuginians crack out the old welder and weld the door back on with large garage style hinges. Just think about it? Why sliding doors? Very impractical, how the hell are you going to squeeze past the cranky old nanna who as subjugated the front bench and refuses to move to let you in. I mean with a hinging boor you don’t have to confront the occupying forces on the front bench, you can easily pop into the second or third bench and slip you pig under the chair, Vantastic!

Take our ‘haus meri’ (cleaning lady) Ann, god bless her for her patience, Chun being the 205cm tall freak that he is decided one weekend that he would pinch the spare single bed that is in the tried bedroom and attach it to his queen size double. We’ll that lasted about 1 day, when we came back from work Ann had put the bed back the way that is was ‘meant’ to be. Ann is like this omnipresent force that brings order back to our world of Chaos. Really I think she sees us a couple of boys that she needs to look after because our own mum is not here, she basically has full control of the house, and we respect that.

One time we decided to but the utensils in another draw in the kitchen, the next day they where all back where they where ‘meant’ to be. As an experiment (being scientifically minded chaps) we decided to only change one object in the house, small items like a can opener, in order to quantitatively determine the strength of this force. Well its like Groundhog Day, everyday, no matter what it was it all ends up back where it is ‘meant’ to be, except underwear. It seems that there is a universal counter force that we have decided to call Anti-GDF (Groundhog Day Force) that only affects underwear, often my underwear and Chun’s underwear end up in each others cupboards. We have decided not to run any experiments on the Underwear side of things as it’s a difficult subject, we’re like Brothers – Chun and I, but running experiments on undergarments is one step over that shaky comfort-zone line. Honestly it just could be that Chun and I both have a similar style of underwear and Ann finds it hard to tell the difference, it takes the fun out of it though.

Anyway back to innovation, take the innocent Toilet roll, you just throw them away right? Ok unless you are a primary school craft teacher or a TV host on Playschool, where you have the remarkable ability to make a 1:8 scale replica of Michelangelo’s David from nothing more that green felt, toilet rolls and Percan’s past! Ann has taken the toilet roles and used them as curtain gathers. What a fantastic idea, we where tying them with bits of string or tying them in knots. But bang, she was trowing them away and decided to use them on the curtains.

There are so many other examples, such as I mentioned earlier, the tyre rim used in the muumuu. Also the way that they carry their Backpacks with the backpack strap to the head. This is the way that the traditional billums are normally carried. The thing that gets me is how innovative the Niuginians area mate of mine was deployed to Bougainville with the army during the trouble, and she was very imprested by this as well. During the revolt Bougainville was under Blockade, this forced the local people to supply themselves with everything from electricity to soap. They ended up refining Bio-diesel out of Coconut oil to fuel vehicles, not the best for the TDI engines however if you don’t have anything else. They also built a small hydroelectric power plant out of old car parts. Basically they used coconuts for everything, they also used for making soap, lamp oil, baskets, treating wounds and placed in the coals of a fire to act as a mosquito repellent, just like Gilligan’s Island but on Speed! Seriously though being a proponent of the open-source revolution I have great respect for this innovation.

trying to live and deliver the project

Goroka, Eastern Highlands Provence, Papua New Guinea
Accommodation
The house that Chun and myself are staying in is a 4 bedroom townhouse, that is provided to us by the CIC. It looks like it was built some time in the 1980’s and is quite comfortable. Upstairs there is a bathroom, which also contains the toilette, and 3 bedrooms. On the ground floor there is a large living/dinning area, a kitchen, a study/4th bedroom and a laundry. The ground floor have lanoline floor and upstares has hard wood wooden floors. the CIC really went to town when they got the place for us, they bought a washing machine, TV, Toaster and coffee maker. They also made sure that all the other details where taken care off as well, such as bed sheets and pots and pans. Basically everything that you need to have in a house we have. Its funny that I generally don’t own any of these items my self in Australia.

The first day that we got in to Goroka, the General Manager was apologetic that he could not afford to put us up in one of the 4star hotels in town. At the time we reassured him that this was perfectly, just out of politeness. But to tell you the truth I would prefer it to be this way as we have our own space that is away from the whole PNG experience. Hard to explain but that is really refreshing, you know to have a little sanctuary away from everyone. The house is protected from the outside world by a 2m tall ironclad fence that is toped off by razor wire. The townhouse its self has all of the windows and doors pared up with security grates. As you can see they take security fairly seriously. We share the backyard with the other 9 townhouses of the block.

Work
The work its self is going well, the CIC is a great place to work. They really take care of their staff, this is not just by the way that they treat us but by the standard things that they do. For example when it is raining in the afternoon, the company vehicles are used to shunt the employees to the bust stop, and the female employees are always escorted home or to the bus stop by the security guards or male employees.

The CIC are really happy to have us working there. They are always trying to help us get the job done faster. Also there are a few things that they have made big mistakes on in the past, for example they bought a server with all the bells and whistles, at a considerable expense to the CIC, that basically just sat in the box that it came in for 3 years. Instead of getting apprehensive, defensive and dismissive about the issue, the staff just say, “well that’s why you guys are here, so fix it”. I’ll spend some time in another update about what we are actually doing and how we are doing it.

Social Scene
Well you can imagine that on the social side of things being locked in a compound and having to be escorted around the entire place doesn’t really do much for the social life. That’s really all not that much of an issue. Having Chun around really does make it a lot better, just having someone around that can go on the odd ‘jolly’ with you. Out side of that most of the socialising that we do is with our colleges. The Bird of Paradise hotel, otherwise just known as ‘the bird’ is apparently the place to hangout on Sunday afternoons, we are going to try and make it there a couple of times.

We have started to walk to work from home which is a bout a 30min walk. We decide that getting driven everywhere was not getting us any exercise. There is a volleyball net on the way to work, we have stoped a few times to play volleyball with the locals.

…the difference is in the tyre rim..

Goroka, Papua New Guinea – December 2006

The main dish for Christmas we had a Muumuu. Muumuu is a PNG Native word for a method of Cooking in an outdoor pit oven kind of like a Hangi(New Zealand) or Punyea(Vanuatu). It fulfills the same role in all of these cultures as an alternative to the Barbecue, but often saved for very special events because to the large amount of time and preparatory work involved. The traditional method, involves digging a pit in the ground, heating stones in the pit with a large fire, placing wire baskets of food on top of the stones, and covering everything with earth for several hours before uncovering the Moumou. However here in PNG there is a more modern way of doing it, by using a car wheel rim. Fantastic idea if you ask me as it means that you don’t have to dig a pit. And it’s another form of recycling, better than just rolling your garden hose up on to it like we do in Australia. In Vanuatu I can remember that large, solid pieces of steel or iron are also used if there are not enough rocks, but this is discouraged as the metal tends to burn the contents of the Muumuu and gives up its heat too rapidly, so naturally I thought that the tyre rim would fall into the same category.

Choosing the Rim
A Muumuu Rim(lets just call it that for now) doesn’t need to be particularly big, but must have room for all the food that will be cooked, plus the stones that will be used to hold the heat. Apparently the average Toyota Corolla tyre rim(like the one we used) is good for an average family of six (PNG have a few more pikaninnis [children] than in Australia). however if you can ‘acquire’ one the average tractor tyre rim is what you want when the whole Wantok[family] comes over. Nora, our hostess for the evening, was quite adamant that she would like to get one, but they are a little ‘expensive’. There seems to be a bit of a black market for the old tractor tyre rims. You can just imagine that unlike in Europe where the local hoods take off with your spare wheel on the back of your 4WD, or in the bad suburbs back home they jack up the car and nik off with your mags, here there must be a bunch of ‘raskuls’[hoods] trawling the streets at night after the tractor tyre rims. Unlike your good old ‘hot’ mags that have been lifted off some lowered Hoons plastic fantastic, where the hell do you hide a sodding tractor tyre rim?… I can see it now …. no officer it was my uncles tractor … why do I have 6 of them … well you wont believe this officer by my uncle, you see, has a tractor dealership… anyway I digress …

The Stones
Muumuu stones must be able to withstand high heat without exploding, chipping or crumbling. For this reason, igneous (volcanic) rocks are better than Metamorphic or sedimentary rocks (e.g. sandstone). If striking the stone with a hammer produces a ringing noise rather than a thud, then the stone is probably good to use in the Muumuu. Large stones of brick size or bigger are better as they hold the heat needed. Bricks are sometimes used if no appropriate natural stone can be found.

The stones are normally heated in a large wood fire. Building a lattice of strong wood beams that can support the stones until they fall in is important, as stones buried in ash (as compared to hot coals) are losing heat, not gaining it. In this endeavour Chun and I sprang into action finally able to lend a hand by lighting the fire. It is good to see those 17 years of being in the Scouts gets you somewhere in life. The total burn time depends on the size of the Muumuu being laid, but is usually between one and a half hours and two and a half hours.

The Food
At the centre of a traditional Muumuu is Pork or Chicken, with generous portions of root vegetables such as kaukau(type of Sweet potato), Pumpkin, Carrot, Potato, onions, pumpkin leaves. With a Muumuu no special preparation of the food is needed besides peeling the root vegetables, and adding herbs such as Rosemary, Garlic and soaking the whole dish in coconut milk. The one that we had the opportunity to indulge in was a Chicken Muumuu that had kaukau and Pumpkin and everything was drenched in coconut milk. The ladies spent a good amount of time warping the food parcel in banana leaves and then into aluminium foil. If it was a late night cook show on TV the food is placed in Muslin lined wire baskets. Normally the wire baskets are there to not only hold the food but also protect the food from the weight of earth piled on top and beside them, creating space for steam to circulate. However with there not being a pit you also don’t need all that elaborate of a wire basket. As muslin is not really available some fencing wire was ‘liberated’ from the neighbours fence to make an ad hoc basket. The ‘basket’ looked more like dodgy cheap UHF TV antenna, which you pick up from the $2 shop, however it did the job.

Laying the Muumuu
Traditionally this whole step is done as quickly as possible to prevent heat loss from the stones. When the fire has burned down the ash and coals must be removed or they dominate the flavour, but leaving a few coals gives a smoky flavour which some people prefer. Spraying the rocks very briefly with water produces a rush of steam that removes any loose ash. We just pulled off the rocks and dumped the whole bundle into the tire rim. Then we just covered to whole pile over with the rocks. Once the Muumuu is set, it is traditional to stand around drinking Beer and watching for leaking steam because any leaks must be quickly plugged with the application of more soil. With no pit we just stood around and drank beer!… as you do at a barbeque. This process goes on for three to four hours, depending on the quantity of food being cooked and the quantity of beer on hand.

Lifting the Muumuu
The story goes that if no steam comes out when the Muumuu is first uncovered, then put the dirt back and go buy Fish and chips. Otherwise, it is very hard to overcook a Muumuu , and careful removal of the soil and unwrapping of the food is the last step before the huge feast.